3 Pillars of Friendship | Church Girl

3 Pillars of Friendship

5 minutes read

July 25, 2023


Has anyone ever called you friend that you weren’t particularly proud of? Someone who may have called you their friend but you weren’t actually friends, you were just acquaintances?

Just the other day, this happened to me.

I was traveling somewhere and side note–if you ever want to be tested in your faith, just go to an airport.

We were all waiting in line to be helped and everyone was getting impatient. I was second in line and after an extended period of time of waiting, the guy before me was getting pretty fired up.

In these scenarios, I always try to make sure I’m on good terms with the angry people around me because I don’t want to be on the wrong side of someone's wrath. So in an attempt to ensure this, I say, “This is crazy, right?”

To my surprise, he openly took this as an invitation. He immediately starts going on and on to the point where I can literally see the steam coming out.

Finally the flight attendant comes back from her break and as soon as she enters the scene, he just gives it to her. “We’ve been waiting and we’re going to miss our flights and MY FRIEND and I are both...”

Hold on. Just a second. I’m sorry sir… FRIEND?! I’m thinking–back up. We are not friends. We just met. We bonded over inconvenience.

The truth about friendships is, friendship is built over bond. What you bond over becomes what you build on.

If you find yourself in a season where you’re frustrated about your friendships, have you ever considered the foundation? Are they built on the wrong foundation? Built on complaint, built on drinking, built on tearing other people down, built on pain, built on insecurity.

What I love about God is he built a relationship with me on a foundation I could never create myself. God bonded with me over his own inconvenience when he went to the cross.

It’s in this that we find the foundation for which we are supposed to build our own relationships on.

If you’re reading this and you’re thinking “heard this before, you don’t understand what they did, or what they’re like, or how hard it is to find a real friend.” If you’re writing this off as just another blog post on relationships, let me remind you of one simple truth: Your relationships are important.

Christian relationship is the most important thing you build in this life because it’s the only thing that is eternal. You can’t take your job with you, your calling doesn’t go into eternity with

you. Your car, your house, your social media status, none of it is eternal. Relationships are eternal when they are in Jesus.

So how do you find the right friend?

How do you cultivate a Christian, godly friendship?


Friends stick with you. Closer than a brother.

John 13 is all about Jesus at the Last Supper with his disciples. This is right before Judas would betray Jesus. I love John 13:1 because it says this powerful phrase: Jesus loved them until the end.

He stuck with them. Through their mess and mistakes. In fact, they had just gotten into a fight about who would be the greatest in the kingdom. Yet despite even this, he loved them until the end.

A lot of us don’t even let other people love us this way.

You just want to do you.

But you doing you by yourself is hurting you more than helping you. And let me tell you one thing about your inability to practice vulnerability in your relationships: hiding isn’t helping.

I remember when I shaved my legs for the first time. I cut myself, probably a few times, and instead of bringing this to my parents, I tried to hide it. Ultimately it got to the point where I had to let my parents know.

In short, hiding hurts your healing.

The longer I waited, the worse it got. In fact the longer I hid, the more I ended up having to heal.

Hiding isn’t protecting you. It’s hurting you. It’s keeping you from healing. And it’s creating more for you to have to heal.

James says, “Confess your sins to one another you will be healed.” Hiding is as old as sin. In Eden, our relationship with God was severed. Adam and Eve enjoyed fullness of friendship but then their sin led them to hiding (Genesis 3:8). Our first response was to hide.

Friends aren’t just with you, they’re for you.


Everybody needs somebody who’s for them. Fighting for them. Advocating for them. Everybody needs somebody they’re for. Someone you’re fighting for. Someone you’re advocating for.

Don’t get me wrong. Being “for” you doesn’t mean they support you no matter what. Some of you go through friends like seasons because you need someone to support your bad decisions and you’ve exhausted your last crew.

Someone who is for you loves you enough to tell you when you’re wrong.

Someone who is for your future.

Someone who is for your health.

Someone who is for God’s plan for your life.

Someone who is for you doesn’t let you ruin your life.

A friend is with you, for you and a friend loves you.


What is love? Laying it all down.

Jesus who laid down his life for friendship (John 15:13-15)

You are loved by God. God knows you and still wants you. God knows you and still loves you, completely. God cared so much about relationship that he gave up his own relationship with his son to restore relationship with you and me.

Are you the friend who loves?

Are you the friend that is with others?

Are you the friend who is for others?

Your relationships are important. Relationship is important. So much so that relationship is the only thing that brings us into eternity. Relationship with Christ is the vessel that gets us into heaven.

Your relationships matter to God. They require your attention. They require your reconciliation. They require your love.

Be the friend that Christ was to you.

For you always, church girl.

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